


Count To Ten

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, But it's super sad okay, Canon Related, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engagement, Hurt/Comfort, I don't want to give too many spoilers here, I'm so so sorry, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Titan Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 01:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4545165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi, not that he would admit it, was scared of happiness. It seems crazy, but when you think about it, it's really not. When you're happy, it can be taken from you, and Levi had had happiness taken from him more times than most. He was cautious about it. </p>
<p>The thing was, Eren was a different kind of happiness. A better kind, that made Levi actually, truthfully happy. Unfortunately, the more happy you are, the easier it is the have the rug pulled from under your feet, and that's exactly what happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Count To Ten

There was one evening, after the curfew for the cadets, when Eren showed up at Levi’s door, head bowed. Before Levi had a chance to greet him, or scold him for being up after curfew, Eren weaseled his way into the room, crawling onto the older man’s bed.

For a second, Levi assumed Eren had come for some affection, hidden in the night, due to the fact that they weren’t exactly open about their relationship and hardly had a chance to show it in the day. Eren was only seventeen, after all, and one would expect a teen boy to be taking every chance he could to get affection from his new found lover; it certainly wasn’t the first time Eren showed up at Levi’s door with a smile on his face after hours.

Except there was no smile on Eren’s face as he pulled himself onto Levi’s bed, tucking his knees to his chest in a fetal position and laying his head down. Levi followed him to the bed, and as he sat next to his boyfriend, he could hear soft whimpers coming from Eren.

Levi wasn’t exactly sure what to do, then. He was never the best at comforting soldiers at times when they weren’t stating their final wish before they were… Well, comforting words and soft murmurs promising happiness were not Levi’s strong point.

With nothing to do and no words to say, Levi reached out an arm, pulling Eren closer to him. The brunette almost-silently sobbed onto Levi’s shirt and shoulder. As his breathing became more rapid, and his noises became more fierce, Levi tried to say comforting words.

“Eren, calm down. Eren, breathe. Here, breathe in when I do, and out with me. In. Out. In. Out.” It wasn’t long after that when Eren’s breathing returned to normal and he pulled away weakly, muttering apologies. 

“Don’t apologize,” Levi said, running his finger across Eren’s cheek. “You have nothing to apologize for. Just calm down, okay? It’ll be fine.” This nearly sent Eren back into hysterics, and Levi tilted his head up, wiping his tears away with his thumb.

Levi tried to think of things to calm down his boyfriend, and finally, from the deepest, most repressed memories of his mind, he pulled something.

When he was young, before his mother died, when Levi would get upset, she would pull Levi into her arms and softly begin to hum in a comforting manner, as she instructed Levi to count to ten. It usually worked, surprisingly. By ten, although sometimes he had to keep counting, he was calm.

He pressed a kiss to Eren’s forehead, pulling him closer once more, deciding to try that. “Count to ten, a number after every deep breath,” he whispered, and Eren looked up, asking why. “Just do it,” Levi said, and Eren did.

He took deep breaths, saying each number after a breath. Levi was right; by nine, Eren was starting to calm down, and by ten he was tear free and his panic attack was over. “Better?” Levi asked, and Eren nodded, falling asleep in his boyfriend’s arms not long after.

~~~

And with that, Levi became Eren’s main source of comfort. Not Mikasa or Armin (although they did help him, too), but Levi. After that night, Eren showed up on Levi’s doorstep more often than he had before, sometimes seeking comfort, and sometimes for… other reasons.

Every time Eren showed up, he did the same thing. He’d pull Eren’s body close to his; sometimes Eren leaned his head on Levi’s chest, or sometimes he’d lay with Levi between his legs and Eren’s arms tightly clinging to Levi’s waist.

Levi would lean over and mutter, “Count to ten, a number after every deep breath.” Eren would always obey, and soon enough, they’d fall asleep (Eren first, and once Levi knew Eren was feeling better and comfortable, he allowed himself to sleep as well) in each other’s arms. 

It became something that Levi looked forward to. Not because Eren was having another nightmare, another panic attack, another night spent over thinking, but because it was one of the times Levi got to show Eren how much he actually cared, that he wasn’t just a stoic soldier sending men and women out to die.

Eren came to look forward to it, too. He’d spent many nights before he and Levi were a couple alone in his room, crying into his pillow and unable to breathe properly. He’d rarely seek Mikasa or Armin for it after they became trainees, and then soldiers, and he never told anyone how bad it had gotten. Having someone comfort him and help him through it was sure of a hell lot better than going through it alone.

~~~

One thing that Levi knew was that there would come a last night spent comforting Eren, a last night wrapping his arms around the boy that he knew he loved. He just hadn’t estimated it would come so soon. He hadn’t expected it like this.

Maybe, he thought, it would come the night before and expedition, and the next day one of them would take their final breath. Maybe, he thought, it would come when they were old and grey and Levi was on his deathbed. Maybe, Levi could have had just a little bit longer with Eren…

But no, that was the brutal truth of the world. Things would come and go when you least expected; things were always changing. People, places, things, were just variables, altering in the blink of an eye. One of those things was Eren Jaeger.

The world was cruel, but also beautiful, and everything good came with a price.

People, far more people than Levi would have liked, adorned the courtroom. They sat in chairs, leaned against walls, and stood wherever they could, or couldn’t, fit. Levi thought back to when he’d saved Eren here, getting rid of one of Eren’s teeth for Eren’s life. He had no clue back then how much he’d come to admire that brat.

Eren sat in the same position he had the day they became acquainted. He wore his dirty, olive green shirt and white jeans, and the iconic key necklace had been stripped from his neck. His arms were tied behind him, and this time, a white cloth was tied over his eyes.

The judge addressed everything, replaying recent events. All of the titans were eradicated. All except for one, he’s said, that one being Eren Jaeger. Levi’s eyes widened as the judge read the words from his paper. “After a majority ruling, the titan shifter Eren Jaeger is to be executed by his overseer, Levi Ackerman, of the Survey Corps.”

The words hit Levi like a smack in the chest, his entire body feeling numb. He barely felt it as Erwin laid a hand on his shoulder and whispered, “I ruled against it.” Levi ran his thumb over the cool metal band on the ring finger of his left hand.

He should have known. He should have known. Humanity viewed Eren as nothing but a threat, of course they would have voted to have Eren killed. Of course Levi would have had to execute him. He was the one who promised in the first place he’d kill him if he needed to. He couldn’t back out, despite how much he wanted to.

Levi was led by members of the Military Police until he was standing in front of Eren, not even three feet away. They handed him a shotgun, disappearing into the crowd. Levi looked up at the judge, trying to remember his face, and he did the same with the members of other branches he knew had voted to kill Eren. Given the chance, he would kill them, he promised himself. 

Levi heard people from the audience audibly gasp when Levi didn’t instantly shoot Eren through the skull. He stepped forward, leaning on his knees in front of Eren. One man, he presumed it he was from the MPs, loudly barked, “Look how close he’s getting! He must enjoy all this killing.” A few men laughed. 

It took all Levi had not to point the shotgun at him and shoot that man instead.

He didn’t, though. He looked over Eren’s face, and he could see tears streaming down his cheeks, soaking through the blindfold. “Levi,” Eren whispered, and Levi’s eyes started watering. “I don’t want to die,” Eren continued. 

Levi wrapped an arm around Eren’s torso, holding the gun by the side of Eren’s head, but not close enough for Eren to feel the tip. “Just count to ten, and calm down. It’ll be okay, I promise.”

Eren started to count, and in the pause between seven and eight, he heard Levi whisper, “I’m sorry.” Between eight and nine, he heard Levi whisper, “I love you.” Between nine and ten, he heard Levi whisper, “Goodbye, Eren.” After ten, Eren didn’t have time to hear the bang of the gun. He didn’t have time to feel the pain as the bullet traveled through his brain. He didn’t have time to hear the sobs absolutely tearing through Levi. 

Levi sat on the floor, tears falling from his eyes. He didn’t care about the blood, he just cared about Eren. In the distance, he heard footsteps, but everything felt like it was some dream. He’d wake up soon enough. Eren - or more accurately, Eren’s body - hit the floor as Levi was pulled away, crying, by Erwin.

The rest of the people in the room - who ranged from the judge, to the Military Police, to the Garrison, to the cadets in the 104th trainees squad that Eren barely knew, to those Eren knew well, like Mikasa and Armin and hell, even Jean - watched as the stoic, emotionless captain they knew sobbed, resisting as Erwin half-led, half-carried the ebony haired man out of the courtroom.

Meanwhile, the two men appointed the job, who’d stood behind Levi, who’d made the remark about Levi liking the killing, stepped into the center of the room. They unhooked Eren’s corpse from the chains, and one of them noticed a flash from the body. With subtle inspection as they carried him away, he noticed a silver band around Eren’s left ring finger, identical to the one Levi had been nervously toying with as the judge read.

As soon as the doors of the courtroom closed behind the two of them, echoing in the eery silence, the room erupted into an explosion of sound. Some people were happy. Some were mad. People were crying, and wiping other’s tears, and exclaiming how they were finally free of the threat of humanity being destroyed. It was deafening, and many people had many different things to say. Despite how disputatious the whole thing was, they all had one thing in common, and that was the topic.

Eren Jaeger was dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Was it sad? I hope it was sad; I actually cried writing this, so if it wasn't sad, that'd be awkward... 
> 
> Anyway, please leave a kudos and feedback is appreciated. I also have Tumblr and Instagram under the same name (teamfreetitan), so please check them out!


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